Well, it appears that a whole month has come and gone, and I'm finally posting. I hesitate to apologize for this, as though to assume you (whoever you might be) have suffered because you haven't read from my diary lately. :) But I am sorry if I've annoyed you at all by being negligient in the blogging world.
Lots of things have happened since I last posted...not sure I can remember them all, but I'll hit some highlights.
We got Lucia out of BT and into an apartment just two streets over from us, where she stayed for about five days. Jo and I left for Tulsa for a friend's wedding, and Lucia marched herself right back to BT two days later. I've gone through a lot of different emotion through it, and have come to realize that, no matter how much you might love someone, you can never force them to make good choices. (And all the mothers of the world said a big "amen!") Lucia is very angry with me at the moment, for a variety of reasons, and refuses to speak to me. We took flowers to her yesterday because it was Mother's Day in Mexico. She wouldn't speak to me or take our flowers. It makes me feel sad and hurt, but I have to trust that this is not the end, but is only part of a journey that Jesus has her on.
Earlier this week we also found Blanca back in BT. She had been off of drugs for a long time, but, for some reason, decided to go right back. "Will God forgive me, Kelly? Will I get to heaven?" was her question for me. There is a lot of talk of death in Mexican culture, and even more so in BT, as you can imagine. I just wished, with everything in me, that we were having that conversation in English instead of Spanish. I began to feel really frustrated that I couldn't use my words to walk with her down that road. I wanted to talk about the unfailing mercy of God, and that it's not all about some place you go when you die. I wanted to talk about heaven crashing with earth in the here and now, and quote Rob Bell sermons I had listened to that week. (ha ha) But I couldn't. And, again, I found myself unable to make someone choose what is right.
I found myself dragging my feet to go into BT over the next few days, feeling frustrated by people who continually choose their addictions over freedom, frustrated by the oppressive heat that has set in for the next several months, frustrated by the language barrier, and frustrated by how easily I become frustrated! (Not even sure if that makes sense...)
Yesterday morning, Jo and I met to pray before heading to BT. During our prayer time, I found God changing my heart. Instead of feeling frustrated by my lack of language skills, or even clever ideas on how to help people transition out of BT into something else, I found myself feeling really grateful that I'm not "smart enough" for the task at hand. I remembered Paul's words when he speaks of how God sent him to preach the Good News, "...and not with clever speech, for fear that the cross of Christ would lose its power." (I Cor 1:17b) It was beautiful to think that Jesus might have asked me to do something I'm essentially no good at, so that the real salvation, the cross of Christ, wouldn't be set aside in the shadow of my "clever speech" or clever ideas.
I have heard myself say a thousand times that I didn't come to BT to shut it down or "get people saved." I simply came to love the ones Jesus loves; the changing of lives part is up to Him. I'm constantly forgetting what it is that Jesus has asked of me in there, which is to love people, to love Him in His most distressing disguises. And this journey is working something in me as much as it's working something in the lives of people who live in BT.
Have you ever thought you should open a prayer room in a bar? Or a prayer room in a brothel? Or a prayer room in a bar that's in a brothel? Well, I have. But I knew I couldn't just waltz in and set it up. However, there's an American guy who regularly is in BT. I had seen him around, but we had never actually spoken before. After a very interesting exchange, he mentioned to me that he's getting ready to open a bar in BT. He is hoping to open an "upscale" bar, and offer a variety of services. He said to me, "I woke up this morning, and I thought, ya know, we're gonna have a bar, and a boutique, and a salon...what we need in there is a prayer room!" I nodded my head in agreement, as though it were the most normal suggestion anyone would have as to what might be missing from a bar in BT. In the spirit of entrepeneurship, I offered to run the prayer room for him. "If you open your bar, I'll run the prayer room for you for free." Incredulously he said to me, "You got yourself a deal!" We shook on it right there on the corner, just like any good business partners in Texas would. Please pray that this prayer room will be a reality - right inside the walls of BT! 24-7 Prayer, Mission, Justice, Bars & Brothels...has a nice ring to it.
Love you, KG.
It's got to be done! I pray that it goes well.
And thanks for your honesty, it encourages me to believe that 'I' can help Jesus spread His love amongst the corrupt, poor, suffering and lonely, even though I feel like a 'low level Christian'.
we do know Jesus came to destroy the works of the devil and to set at liberty the captives so i believe also His love never fails even when it looks dark He reains the light for us. I pray God's enduring strength to you my sweet sister
and you know who i am
n
I was told years ago that as a youth worker you need "an infinite capacity to be hurt". In your ministry of love, you will need the same. Keep up the good work of Jesus: you are precious and an inspiration to us all. (I've used your blog in a sermon.)
I was also thinking why is it that we are happy to accept into our churches businessmen who are still struggling with greed, envy, etc? But poor women struggling to get by in this painful messed up world, we can push out because their "sins" are more obvious?
Bless you in your lives of love.
that works for me Kelly, go for it. I keep coming back to this little phrase when I am out and about and feeling frustrated, "You can't live other peoples lives for them" it sets me free. Anyway hermana thanks for sticking up for me. Appreciate your support
kelly, saludos... seguro que lo del bar va a explotar de una buena manera.
and don't worry about the language barrier, I'll pray that you begin to have more dreams in reynosa spanish!!
Hey Honey, you know you're encouraging even when you're discouraged. We love you and we're praying for you :) xc
That is one of the craziest things I've read in a long time! God never ceases to amaze me. Go for it Kelly!
You know, if you have this many people reading your blog, praying for you, and believing in you...your heart must be in the right place. Be strong and renew that beautiful mind of yours every morning. You are awesome and amazing. The results you will see will only show in the "physical" around 33% of the time. Yeah...one of those random, out of the air stats! LOVE YA!
Kelly,
I am glad to read your new post. I work with the 24-7 team here in Kansas City. Blessings to you as you continue in love.
Kelly, I just love you
Don
Kelly...... I was just so discouraged..... Then you know me of little faith...you tied it all up in the right spirit of what God wants of us."to love Him in the most distressing of disguises" wow.....I know you know but the fact that you can so perfectly put it all into perspective just proves again and again to me that God is using you mightily. Hang in there my dear soon to be commrade in grandmotherhood I will see you in June. love Sarita
hey i love you a lot and i will pray for you litte warrior
Thanks for being a light to the people around you, keep the light shining bright for all to see. Remember Prov. 3:5-6 and remember your BC Family loves You and Prays for You. Pray Hard & Trust God.
Hi Kelly,
We come from a background where the number of salvations on your missions trip shows how effective it was. How crazily difficult this must be at times!
And, I've prayed for your Spanish, as you and many others have. It seems clear that God doesn't need you to speak specific words to these girls right now or He would have enabled you to do it. It's beautiful to hear what God is growing in you; we all need to see this perspective. (My heart drops when I read about Lucia and Blanca -- my first thought is, C'mon, God, why won't You fix these girls now?!)
Please keep sharing what you're learning. We're all growing through this as well.
KG - we love you!!!
klees